Wadya' say yer name was?

This is an apology. I wish to direct this apology to _______ . It has been 18 weeks into my lovely wife's pregnancy, and I haven't got a clue-not one grain of an iota of a clue as to what I want to call the person I will be periodically yelling at, bragging about, frustrated by, hugging almost as hard as I can, and emptying my wallet for, for the next...
Jesus Christ.
There's no time limit for being a dad.
I'm going to be a dad forever.
...
Alright, alright. I'm cool, I'm cool.
Despite the fact that any and all semblance to my life as a "cool guy" is coming to an end-

(for God's sake man, when has anyone EVER said that someone's dad was "cool" and meant the COOL cool?)

-it's gonna be GREAT. This is just the next stage of development. What is about to occur will be the biggest challenge I have had to face. I mean, I have risen to the occasion and OVERCOME many an obstacle set before me! (SURVIVED may be more fitting a description of many of those many obstacles)
This will certainly be a difficult undertaking, but by devoting no less than 100% of my time, energy, common sense, and unconditional love-coupled with my lovely wife's 100%s, we will be in the catbird seat.
Anyway _______, we made an early promise to not give you, or sanction a name which would create an opportunity for ridicule, or even the slight raising of an eyebrow.
Our family tree will NOT bear a Shaneequa, Bobbi-jo, or Jimbob.
You will have a name which has familial, historical, or cultural significance. Anything less would be less than you deserve.
I guess all that pressure is what is causing our indecision, kiddo. I really am gonna push the gas pedal closer to the floor and do my part to come up with a name befitting of our clan. So, try and be patient. We will keep up the search, and we'll let you know as soon as we do.
Peace lil' guy/gal.